Every women knows someone or has experienced a pregnancy loss. Statistics are staggering. 1 in about 4 women will experience the loss of their child during pregnancy. This grief, I know, it will forever be a part of my life. Though, I am happy to speak to anyone that reaches out about my experience. This post is just about what has helped me after the loss. Still Birth Day is wonderful resource if want to visit their site.
What to Say:
This is where everyone can feel kinda uncomfortable. Personally, I am very, very private about my life, feelings and personal experiences. I just wanted people to acknowledge that our Baby was no longer alive but I was not ready to share how I was feeling or the experience of the loss. Friends and family that kept just “checking in” on me was so sweet. Most of the time I would not respond but that they were thinking of me really meant a lot. Just a text or voice mail is so meaningful during this time. Even my husband had no idea what to say but just sitting next to me and letting me cry on him for hours was all that I needed.
What to Do:
One of my friends brought over dinner. Kinda one of those friends that you can not say no to. She knew if I didn’t want to talk about it, don’t push it but if I did she would have open arms. Besides food, cards were also very sweet. When I was emotionally able to speak about our loss, sharing experiences with other women helped me. Us talking about our experience just let me know that I can survive it. If your loved one is religious, sharing scripture, can also be very comforting.
How to Remember:
One of my friends sends me a text every year on the anniversary of my loss. It is so incredibly touching when those loved ones around you remember. Pregnancy loss can feel extremely lonely. So when someone remembers without being prompted it validates your feelings and reassures you that you are not alone. What I did for myself as a remembrance gift is a bracelet that I literally wear all of the time. Never comes off. I doubt my husband even knows why I always have a string bracelet on all of the time. For me, this is what has given me the most comfort. My heart, even years later wants our son in my harms. Having this bracelet always on, in someways, keeps his memory alive and him with me. Mama’s, don’t feel that you are supposed to “get over” this. I think it is better to think of it is your learn how to live with the loss. If you want something to remember your child it is completely alright to allow yourself this. If you don’t need anything, that is perfectly fine as well. I have linked the three bracelets that I have worn over the years.
These are just a few helpful suggestions for what has helped me over the years with my pregnancy loss. I have no expertise in dealing with grief or loss. What I am sharing is what helped me through my process of grief. If you have experienced a loss or know someone whom has and are feeling overwhelming sadness or depressed feelings please reach out to your OB/GYN, MD or call 1-800-273-TALK http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/